Musings from Marilyn

Archive for August, 2010

These days, I do most of my writing via keyboard.  So much so that it feels weird to actually take pen in hand and write; I keep expecting spell check to occur!  Oh I do jot notes on sticky pads, write the occasional check, and make shopping lists, but the bulk of my writing is done on the computer.

But recently I have felt a yearning to actually put (literal) pen to (literal) paper and write out my thoughts in longhand.  I figure that everything shouldn’t be written on the computer, and I should get back to the time-honored method of putting down thoughts in an old-fashioned diary form.

One thing that I have been doing is writing out my thoughts of the day right before bed.  I have a pretty active mind that is always thinking, it seems, so it puts kind of a finality to the thoughts to get them down on paper.  I just go through my day and write down my ideas, inspirations, frustrations, and emotions that I dealt with.  The physical act of just letting the pen flow is really quite soothing.  And it calms my mind to let go, and get more restful sleep.

Another good trick is to write out your prayers.  If you are like me, my praying tends to be all over the place!  My wise pastor and counselor advised me to do this when I was going through a particularly tumultuous time in my life, when I could not focus on anything, much less praying.  He said to write out a list of my prayers and concerns and then pray about it, and check them off the list as I prayed.  Simple, yet incredibly effective!  It really does work.

So I intend to actually hand write more.  It’s kind of interesting to see what my handwriting looks like now.  If only I could read it!

“Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.”  ~Carol Burnett

~Marilyn

I blog, I write, I am active on several discussion boards, and on Facebook.   I am relatively ‘out there’ on the internet, and feel it is important to do so.  For the most part, I really enjoy it.  But there is a part of me that guardedly remains secretive.  I have somewhat of a public persona and a (very) private persona.  I just don’t feel comfortable, for the most part, broadcasting things about my personal life, or my deepest thoughts and feelings for just anyone to hear.

Perhaps there is a bit of the Victorian in me.  Where being a bit mysterious and unwilling to easily yield secrets is appealing?  It’s not like I keep it all to myself.  If I have built up trust with a person, I am willing to share my thoughts more freely.  I just don’t like throwing stuff out there and not knowing what people are going to do with the information.

I think people with a bit of mystery are definitely more alluring.  Where you have to slowly uncover pieces to get to know them.  And it takes time and patience, which in this world of tweets and status updates is almost like living in the stone age.  But it gets you below the surface, and into a deeper level of intimacy.

So yes, I do reveal a good deal about myself publicly. But sorry…if you really want to know my innermost thoughts and feelings, you are just going to have to get to know me a little better.  Well, a LOT better.  This girl just doesn’t give up her secrets so easily!

“Secret thoughts and open countenance will go safely over the whole world.” ~ Scipione Alberti   (right on!)

~Marilyn

This summer has been quite an amazing one for me so far.  No exciting trips or adventures, but more a quiet change of mind-set and attitude.  I have just decided to “let go”.

Now this does not come easily for me.  I have a tendency to plan, scheme, worry and envision certain outcomes to things.  I feel “comfortable” carrying around these feelings because it makes it seem like I’m in control of my life.  I don’t spend too much time ruing the past, so that’s not the issue;  I just have not spent a whole lot of time just “being”  in the present and letting life reveal its secrets gradually.

It is kind of a Taoist approach to life: surrendering, letting go of resistance, and trusting Divinity.  This puts one in tune with the flow of life by being in the here and now – the only place and time where life is truly lived.  I am a work in progress, but so far the results have been rather remarkable, if only noticed by me.

I seem to be much calmer, patient, and feel more contented.  I am finding that by not doing, things get done.  Wonderful things that are meant to be in my life are really happening now because I am not putting up a big wall of resistance and fear.  It is very peaceful feeling knowing that whatever happens was meant to be.  I love this Chinese proverb:  “If there is nothing you can do about it, why worry?  If there is something you can do about it, why worry?”

This will be an ongoing process for me, I’m sure.  A girl doesn’t give up her bag of frets and scheming all that easily!  But it is calming, exciting, and hopeful all in one…and who can beat that?

“By letting go it all gets done.” ~Lao Tze

~Marilyn