Musings from Marilyn

Archive for September, 2009

I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac.  Even as a child, I would lay awake at night trying mightily to go to sleep.  I’ve always been envious of people who could fall asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow…simply amazing to me!   The amount of hours that I’ve spent laying in bed trying to go to sleep must be staggering….probably in the thousands.  The cause of my insomnia is just plain thinking.  I think and think and think.   Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off at night to allow it to rest.  But yet, when I do fall asleep, I dream wildly.  My brain just does not know how to quit.

I am coming to the realization that perhaps I really don’t need that much sleep.  I read all the articles about the dangers of not getting enough sleep; how we need it to look beautiful, feel terrific, and to even lose weight.  Maybe it’s all a bunch of hype – at least for me?  I function okay, look okay, and am an okay weight, despite never getting enough sleep.  So maybe what I need is to get over is my worry about not sleeping much.  When, on the rare occasions I do sleep for over 8 hours, I usually feel sluggish, even more tired, and slightly hungover.  I feel as though I wasted so much time in repose.

I’ve been taking a number of natural supplements to try to help me get to sleep.  Melatonin, magnesium, GABA, and 5-HTP are good ones that I use in different combinations.  They are helpful in the fact that they help relax me (and my thoughts).   I still don’t sleep that much, but at least they help to calm and take the edge off.

The best part of sleeping is my dreams.  I love to dream.  Wildly realistic, sometimes stressful, but always interesting.  The best part of waking up is remembering my dreams.  A dreaming insomniac am I?  So be it.

Marilyn

This week I got three letters in the mail.  Yes,  three actual hand written letters from friends sent via snail mail.   One of the letters actually contained 3 photos and a newspaper clipping.   It was so charming to receive hard copies and have letters written in their signature style.  I love seeing people’s handwriting, I think you can decipher a lot from it.

Years ago this wouldn’t have been unusual in the least, I used to send and receive letters with great regularity.  But now, with the internet, email, Facebook, discussion boards, blogs and websites, I do it in a different manner.  To me, it is still the written word though.  And I love the written word.  I love reading and writing words, no matter the format.  There is such permanence in getting the words down.  Such finality of the statement of what was being felt at that time.

I have a box of saved love letters sent to me by former beaux;   letters of undying love, passion and longing, all there in black and white.  I remember receiving the letters in the mail and reading them with heart pounding.  Proof!  Evidence!  For time immemorial!

Sometimes the written word can be too overwhelming for me.  I once ceremoniously burned a whole cache of an ex-lover’s letters when he devastatingly betrayed me.  It felt really satisfying and vindictive, at the time, to see the letters go up in flame in my fireplace.  But now, in hindsight, I really wish I had saved those letters too.  My passion takes many forms.

I will always have a love affair with words.  Such strength, might and meaning in those silly formations of the alphabet.  I am glad for everyone who writes, be it professional writer or avid texter.  Getting the words out there takes thought, even if it’s an unintelligible one.  It speaks volumes, and I like it.

Marilyn